Thursday, November 1, 2007

Teaching Gender Roles To Children

From this Feministing post...

I believe in abolishing gender roles.

I don't believe in doing it immediately, or forcing my kids to not have them.

It's too hard on the kids. That's all there is to it. Childhood should not be about meeting some idealized world view, it should be about learning how to work with the world you have.

So my kids will ALL have the same kinds of toys that they share, but they will have to ask for them. For babies and toddlers, might as well share everything. When they can talk, though, I will give them the toys they ask for, even if the girls only want dolls and the boys only want trucks.

If my son asks for a doll, it won't be frilly and girly and pink. It will be something like a neutral-gender baby doll in a green or yellow onesie. My sons will probably play with plastic food (little boys LOVE play food, in my experience). My daughters will probably play with trucks and Legos and trains. Pink and frills should be avoided for boy's toys, though, because pink is SO connected with girls (though honestly, who has a pink playhouse for EITHER gender?). But that doesn't mean they can't have dolls, it means those dolls have to be a bit more boyish or neutral in appearance. And I won't buy girl clothes for my sons or boy clothes for my daughters unless I learn that they're transgender. Girls should have girl hairstyles and clothes until the secondary sex characteristics start to come in, and the same is true for boys (long hair's okay, but not like, pigtails or a high ponytail). That will do them well in school, to not be mistaken for the wrong gender. And it won't really hurt them, because while it clearly says "boys and girls are different" it doesn't really say "boys are better than girls." Just that they're different. Which they are.

And as for teaching them household gender roles? My mom taught me and my sister how to cook and do our laundry when we were preteens but my brother is just now learning at almost 18 years old. My kids will all learn to cook, clean, fix things around the house, change flat tires, do laundry and go grocery shopping, and not once do I intend to say "This way you can impress a guy someday!" like my dad said. Instead, I'll say, "You need to know this when you live on your own" because they do. Besides, any household I'm in will probably involve a stay-at-home or working-from-home dad anyway (medical career), so it's not like they'll get the impression that Mommy has to do all the chores and raise the kids.

And yes, I hope I'll teach my kids to suppress their emotions in public, but share them at home, because that's how you become successful. And yeah, that's a male gender role. So what? It's also a GOOD IDEA. Because whatever people might say, the surest way to survive school without, I don't know, dropping out, or in my case ATTEMPTING SUICIDE, is to learn to control your emotions in public and vent in private. And after I learned, I didn't suppress my emotions completely. I talked to my parents, I took it out at home, I complained to friends-- but in public, I could be strong.

I'm not as good at it as I should be, but I'm learning. The value of it is that no matter how progressive the people around you are, they will, on some subconscious level, take displays of emotion as weak. You are more likely to get hired if you seem cool and collected. You're more likely to make new friends if people don't perceive you as moody. Of course, you need ways to express those emotions, so I'd also teach that once you trust someone, you can share things like that with them. You can cry in front of someone you trust. But you will find life a lot easier to face if you can maintain a mask if need be.

Other "male" or "female" traits: being aggressive or passive (probably discourage both in favor of assertiveness-- and knowing what battles you can win) or becoming the breadwinner (again, I'm going into medicine and I fall for writers. Chances are I, the mother, will be the breadwinner).

What I don't agree with are feminists who insist on teaching their children to be "gender neutral" by essentially making them feminine-- using the worst aspects of feminine nature. Not in terms of the toys they play with, but in terms of teaching them that it's okay to be emotional in public or that competitiveness is bad, who lie to them and say things like "pink isn't a girl color" despite the fact that society decides what things are gender-specific and society says pink is a girl color. You have to make sure they actually understand the way the world works, even if you think the way the world works is wrong.

I look at it like this. I will tell my children not to have sex until they are 18 and legal adults and to make sure their partner is the same. I think that the time a person starts sex is not contingent on age, but on maturity and each person reaches that point at a different age. But to survive in modern society, a person should not have sex until they and their partner are 18. Otherwise, archaic laws or angry parents or double standards in high school could make their lives miserable. It's the same way with gender roles. A person needs to understand gender roles and be able to conform to them if they want to to get by, even though they should not exist.

Continue telling me how wrong I am in the comments if you like.

43 comments:

Anonymous said...

I really think you have this right. Brava for the way you plan to raise your children.

Jessica

Anonymous said...

Amiable fill someone in on and this fill someone in on helped me alot in my college assignement. Say thank you you seeking your information.

Anonymous said...

rss power plus -
sem business blueprint -
silent sales machine -
spam bully -
sports betting champ -
spyware cease -
spyware nuker -
spyware remover -
starting a day care center -
the bad breath report -
the cb code -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the super mind evolution system -
traffic travis -
truth about abs -
turbulencetraining -
turbulence training -
twitter affiliate cash -
twitter decoded -
video piggy -
video web wizard -
vincedelmontefitness -
vince del monte fitness -
warp speed fat loss -
wedding speech 4u -
windo fix -
your bill killer -
you will get paid -
zygor guides -
20 day persuasion -
advanced pc tweaker -
adware bot -
affiliate naire -

Anonymous said...

pick the gender of your bady -
plr ebook club -
pregnancy without pounds -
profit lance -
publicrecordspro -
public records pro -
questions for couples -
quit smoking today -
ready made review sites -
reg genie -
registry easy -
registry easy download -
registry winner -
registry winner download -
retrievea lover -
reverse mobile -
richard mackenzie direct -
rocket italian -
rocket spanish -
roulette sniper -
rss ground -
secret affiliate weapon -
secrets book -
spam bully -
spyware cease -
spyware nuker -
spyware remover -
spy zooka -
starting a day care center -
tattoo fever -
team idemise -
the bad breath report -
the cb code -
Auto Content Cash -

Anonymous said...

Banner Ad Blueprint -
Copy Paste Systems -
Every Other Day Diet -
Farm Ville Secrets -
Plugin To Green Profits -
Rapid Mass Traffic -
Tinnitus Miracle -
Tweetomatic Profiteer -
Woodworking 4 Home -
24 Hour Internet Business -
Blogging To The Bank -
Burn The Fat -
Earth 4 Energy -
Fap Turbo -
Fat Burning Furnace -
Fat Loss 4 Idiots -
Foex Auto Money -
Hemorrhoid Miracle -
Legit Online Jobs -
Magic Of Making Up -
Magni Work -
Micro Niche Finder -
Plr Article Software -
Pregnancy Miracle -
Software Submitter Pro -
The Affiliate Code -
The Diet Solution Program -
Truth About Abs -
Zygor Guides -
thedietsolutionprogram -
the diet solution program -
the rich jerk -
the super mind evolution system -
turbulencetraining -

Anonymous said...

I really like it when folks get together and share opinions.
Great site, stick with it!

Here is my page :: water vacuum on tv

Anonymous said...

It's in fact very complex in this full of activity life to listen news on Television, therefore I just use web for that reason, and get the hottest information.

Also visit my web-site :: faraday flashlights

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the good writeup. It in reality was
a leisure account it. Glance advanced to more added agreeable from you!
By the way, how can we keep in touch?

Feel free to surf to my blog: hottest gift ideas

Anonymous said...

Have you ever considered publishing an e-book or guest authoring on other blogs?
I have a blog based on the same topics you discuss and
would really like to have you share some stories/information.

I know my visitors would appreciate your
work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e-mail.


My web blog ... electric juicer easy

Anonymous said...

Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles?
I mean, what you say is valuable and everything. Nevertheless imagine if you added some great
graphics or video clips to give your posts more, "pop"!
Your content is excellent but with images and clips, this blog could certainly
be one of the greatest in its niche. Terrific blog!

Review my homepage - http://www.mgcs.com.mx/index.php?title=A_Couple_Of_The_Major_Citrus_Juicers

Anonymous said...

I just like the helpful information you supply on your articles.
I'll bookmark your blog and test once more here frequently. I am moderately sure I'll be informed
plenty of new stuff proper right here! Good luck for the
next!

Here is my homepage :: holiday gift ideas

Anonymous said...

Generally I don't read article on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do so! Your writing style has been surprised me. Thanks, quite great post.

Look at my web blog :: Recipes For juicers

Anonymous said...

Do you have any video of that? I'd care to find out more details.

my web blog: goodwill online store

Anonymous said...

What's up friends, how is all, and what you wish for to say about this post, in my view its really remarkable in support of me.

My web site :: as seen on tv

Anonymous said...

I am no longer sure where you are getting your information, however good topic.

I needs to spend a while studying more or understanding more.
Thanks for great information I used to be searching for this information for my mission.


Here is my homepage: Air Max

Anonymous said...

I constantly emailed this weblog post page
to all my friends, as if like to read it after that my contacts will too.


Review my web blog - juicing Recipes for juicers

Anonymous said...

Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering
if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that
automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I've been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

Here is my blog: continue reading

Anonymous said...

Hey there would you mind letting me know which web host you're utilizing? I've loaded your blog in 3 completely different internet
browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most.

Can you recommend a good hosting provider at a reasonable price?

Cheers, I appreciate it!

Take a look at my site: as seen on tv

Anonymous said...

I am genuinely thankful to the owner of this web page who
has shared this great piece of writing at at this place.


My website ... Sidney Crosby Jersey

Anonymous said...

I am regular reader, how are you everybody? This piece of writing
posted at this web page is actually good.

Here is my site :: http://www.wskov.dk/

Anonymous said...

Asking questions are really good thing if you are not
understanding something completely, however
this post offers good understanding even.

My homepage :: http://zinzipedia.de/wiki/index.php?title=All_About_As_Witnessed_On_Tv_Goods

Anonymous said...

My partner and I stumbled over here different website and thought I might check things out.
I like what I see so now i am following you.
Look forward to looking over your web page for a second time.


Visit my web blog ... http://online-abc.net/index.php?title=Benutzer_Diskussion:BEVJackly

Anonymous said...

What's up Dear, are you genuinely visiting this site on a regular basis, if so afterward you will absolutely take nice know-how.

Look at my web page magnetized flashlights

Anonymous said...

You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to
be actually something that I think I would never understand.
It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me.
I am looking forward for your next post, I'll try to get the hang of it!

my homepage - tv buzz

Anonymous said...

What's Happening i am new to this, I stumbled upon this I've found It
positively useful and it has helped me out loads.
I am hoping to give a contribution & help other users like its helped me.
Great job.

my web blog: sintorn.se

Anonymous said...

Hello There. I found your blog using msn.
This is a really well written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and
return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post.
I'll certainly comeback.

Here is my web blog Holiday gift Ideas

Anonymous said...

What's Happening i'm new to this, I stumbled upon this I have discovered It positively useful and it has helped me out loads.
I'm hoping to give a contribution & assist other users like its aided me. Good job.

Feel free to visit my webpage :: www.roc-hosting.info

Anonymous said...

I was very happy to discover this site. I need to to
thank you for ones time for this particularly fantastic read!
! I definitely liked every part of it and I have you saved as a favorite to look at new things in your website.


my web blog; reverse osmosis filtration

Anonymous said...

hi!,I love your writing so so much! share we keep in touch more about
your article on AOL? I require an expert on this house to resolve my problem.
May be that's you! Looking forward to look you.

Stop by my homepage Nike Air Jordan

Anonymous said...

This post is worth everyone's attention. Where can I find out more?

Here is my blog: Abercrombie & Fitch

Anonymous said...

I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you create this website yourself or did
you hire someone to do it for you? Plz answer back as I'm looking to create my own blog and would like to know where u got this from. kudos

Also visit my website; Evgeni Malkin Black Jersey

Anonymous said...

This is very interesting, You're a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your wonderful post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!

Also visit my website: http://lowermylegalfees.com/

Anonymous said...

An intriguing discussion is definitely worth comment.
I believe that you ought to write more about this subject matter,
it might not be a taboo matter but usually folks don't talk about such issues. To the next! All the best!!

my blog post water Vacuum on tv

Anonymous said...

I want to to thank you for this fantastic read!!

I certainly enjoyed every bit of it. I have got you
book marked to check out new things you post…

my web page; Get the Facts

Anonymous said...

I was suggested this web site by my cousin.

I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my problem.

You're wonderful! Thanks!

my page; Learn More

Anonymous said...

This is my first time pay a quick visit at here and i am genuinely impressed to read
everthing at single place.

my website; Sac A Main Louis Vuitton

Anonymous said...

We're a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your website provided us with valuable info to work on. You have done an impressive job and our entire community will be grateful to you.

Also visit my web site :: Cheap Louis Vuitton Bags (explorethecapabilities.com)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for a marvelous posting! I quite enjoyed reading it,
you might be a great author.I will make certain to bookmark your blog and will come back someday.
I want to encourage you to continue your great posts, have a nice weekend!


my website :: Nike Pas Cher

Anonymous said...

Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this post and the rest of the website is really good.


Feel free to visit my website: Abercrombie Et Fitch

Anonymous said...

I think what you said made a lot of sense. But, think on this, what if you composed a catchier post title?
I ain't saying your information is not solid., but suppose you added a post title that grabbed a person's attention?
I mean "Teaching Gender Roles To Children" is a little
plain. You ought to glance at Yahoo's front page and watch how they create post titles to grab viewers to open the links. You might add a video or a pic or two to get readers excited about everything've got
to say. Just my opinion, it could bring your
posts a little livelier.

My website; Nike Free Run Sko ()

Anonymous said...

These are genuinely impressive ideas in about blogging. You have touched some
good factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.


Here is my webpage: Cheap NFL Jerseys

Anonymous said...

Thank you for every other wonderful article. The place else may anyone get that type of
info in such a perfect way of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I am at the search for such
information.

My blog post ... Louis Vuitton Purses

Anonymous said...

I am in fact pleased to read this blog posts which carries lots of helpful data, thanks
for providing these statistics.

Feel free to surf to my blog ... Louis Vuitton Pas Cher